found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
