i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
