I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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