i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
