Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
