i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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