you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
