what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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