You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
