brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I came so hard my ears popped.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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