Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
