so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
