can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
