if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
