Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish my penis had an off switch
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
