I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
