This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
