He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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