I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
tell me about the fingering
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
