Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
