im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
