people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
