You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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