My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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