Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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