I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
