On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
