I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
