I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
