I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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