You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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