Umm I'm too high to move.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dear god my vagina.
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