I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
