I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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