dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize
