So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
