Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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