Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
