just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
