i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
