how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
