Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
