she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
