this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
