Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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