I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
