Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
