allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
