You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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