You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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