Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
