idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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